Monday, July 11, 2011

I CAN'T speak to my doctors about mental state.?

I'm 15 and i CAN'T speak to them. It's now 5am and i'm still awake trying to write a letter to them. I've been hearing and seeing things since 6, it's got amazingly bad i CAN'T speak about it i just completely shut off it's awful i get so mad with myself. I've wrote a few letters now all in completely different ways. I feel every single thing i've wrote but they're all wrote so different.. as in one is really well wrote and then another is completely raging about how i WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE. I know if i don't speak to them today my mum is going to be so mad with me and it's stressing me out so much because it's just IMPOSSIBLE and nobody understands. I think i'd rather die than put up with this now. How do i make them back off and give me SPACE AND TIME to think everything through? They're driving me crazy! I just need to be alone. I'm so sick of everything i don't know what to do. I'm not giving them the letters. I feel as if they're too personal. I'm really low right now. I'm getting so mad because i want the help so much but i actually can't accept it. How do i explain how i feel when it's IMPOSSIBLE to say any of this!!!!!!!!??!??! oh my god i'm so confused! :(

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